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Gymkata

February 6, 2007

Gymkata“Look a moron on a jack-ass.”

All hail the greatest b-movie of all time. Truly perfect in it’s pure awfulness. The pinnacle of bad movies by which exposure will burn out your retinas and make you curl up in the corner and beg for a swift demise.

“No acting skills required” must have been on the actors wanted sign for this cheesy 80’s karate movie. Olympic medalist Kurt Thomas stars as Jonathon Cabot, who stretches his acting muscle to plays …yes a champion gymnast. He is recruited to represent the United States in a deadly competition inside the borders of the country Parmistan (I like to sprinkle some Parmistan on my spaghetti..it’s delicious.)

The leader of Parmistan who resembles a deranged Mel Brooks, will supposedly grant a wish to the winner. My wish would be that Kurt Thomas would have picked a brighter red sweater to wear on his “secret” mission. He would have made a much better target. The U.S. government wants Parmistan to be a part of the Regan induced Star Wars defense program, and the U.S. government clumsily and quickly trains Cabot to win the race. Training consists of climbing stairs on his hands (in case he encounter legless ninjas.) There’s also a chinese guy with a giant eagle on his shoulder that spouts wisdoms like “Do not hear the wood split. Hear the only sound of axe, cutting air. Read the air itself. It has much say to you.” Wow…this movies has so much to teach us grasshoppers.

It stuns me that the same talent that brought us Enter the Dragon directed this pile of Crapkata. Apparently he was inhaling a bit too much gymnastic powder. But it is truly a must see.

 

Watch out for.

– stealthy ninjas on horseback with guns
– strategically placed village gymastic equipment
– archery snipers
– reinassiance festival rejects as disguised villagers
– disturbing stair climbing training sequences

rated 10 out of 10 for the movie
learn more about this movie at imbd.com

Check out the trailer for Gymkata

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5 comments

  1. OMG – that was a PERFECT description!! Well written! Thank you!


  2. Hey Diana, thanks for the compliments on my review. I really enjoyed the movie. Like watching a train wreck you just can’t take your eyes off the carnage of Gymkata. It’s so horrible. the bad kung-fu. the cheesy dialog. It’s b-movie gold.

    I’d say RoadHouse comes close to the level of pure cheesiness of Gymkata. Definitely check that one out as well. feel free to post some of your favorite movies under “my cool stuff” in the top right of the page.


  3. […] but it is a crappy movie that will take away a bit of your soul. I’ve endured the horrors of Gymkata, suffered the Swayze-isms of Roadhouse but I had yet to know such pain as Blood Shack. From the […]


  4. […] Gymkata had a bigger budget, a real plot, and people with actual gymnastic/karate skills and you mixed it […]


  5. […] Gymkata had a bigger budget, a real plot, and people with actual gymnastic/karate skills and you mixed it […]



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